Nap time….or is it?

September 15, 2010

It’s chilly here. The temperature starts in the 40’s and slowly drifts way up in to the 60’s, but not until late afternoon. The pellet stove is on and my handspun silk and onion-dyed wool, and alpaca wristwarmers are on (Yes, they are lovely. That’s why they are mine and not for sale.). Even the dogs are in front of the pellet stove.

A short time ago I woke up from a four-hour “nap”. It was originally intended to be a nap but it turned into a System classroom/board meeting/rally/conference, interrupted with actual napping. For several days I have had Earthquake Headaches and could not find any relief for them. If they lasted through the weekend I was going to schedule an appointment because no pain reliever, allergy medicine, or muscle relaxant could relieve them. I assumed it was a result of the kids back at school and my husband back at work after nine days or so of caring for him. However, I now believe the headaches were caused by those on the inside needing to give me information, their points of view, or needing to be recognized within the System.

When I read other people’s blogs and they describe, or know that they have switched, I’m almost jealous. Here I have this DID diagnosis, my therapist sees it, my husband sees it, all of the signs are there, but I often don’t believe it. Well, I go back-and-forth, I guess. I have lost several months of time, so I read over my posts here to see what I was doing or thinking, and usually I can access those memories afterward, but I don’t have a name for whomever it was running the show at that time. Several months ago I did have several alter’s names, but only two have stayed by me, accessible at all times. I know that’s normal for alters to come and go.

Back to my nap. I laid down with the headache and tried to sleep. Then, like a classroom, questions, suggestions, and answers started. The alters asked questions, I asked questions, they showed me the memories and emotions they held, back-and-forth, little nap, back to questions and answers and memories……… I feel it was a backlog. Before summer started and I was home with the kids I was writing questions to my alters in a special journal, writing their information on index cards, and having daily meetings. Then I stopped for three-and-a-half months. Then the Earthquake Headache hit. Coincidence? I think not, sir!

I could have stayed in bed all day. It was warm and a warm, fuzzy thing was purring next to my head. I feel funky but much of the headache is gone. Someone in this group wrote about headaches being a signal to ask what’s going on inside if nothing else worked, but I can’t remember who. I need to bake lemon bars and get my strength back.


7 Responses to “Nap time….or is it?”

  1. tai0316 Says:

    I think you nailed exactly what’s going on inside of you, so good for you! Everything you said sounds logical and I think you’re in touch with yourself more than you give yourself credit for. I also think that we all go back and forth on this diagnosis, I know I do at least once per month or so. šŸ™‚ Totally normal. I’m glad you got some internal communication re-etablished, it sounds like everyone needed it. You’re doing so well with this, I’m really proud of you. I hope you’ve had an ok week so far, I’ve been worried about you because you’ve been in pain and you were feeling anxious about what was happening with you.

    • roseroars Says:

      Thanks, Tai. I feel I’m doing lousy, so it’s good hear these positive comments. No anxiety attacks today….I just realized that…cool.

  2. meredith Says:

    Ewwww, headaches. When I’m processing a lot of information I have killer headaches. Chronic headaches are common with DID, I’m told. Some comfort, huh? Well, now you know for sure that you have it.

    The letdown after big events (like hosting your children for the entire summer and caring for hubby) comes with such a thud.

    Glad you were able to sleep.


  3. I'm DID & so am I Says:

    Yes, the headaches are a headache. I also get migraines. I wish I could have the internal communication you have. I know, give it time.

    How you keep everything straight is beyond me. I’m not at that point, nor do I have any idea when.

    You’re doing a great job and hopefully you’ll get some much needed rest.


    • roseroars Says:

      Thanks, Jo. I really don’t keep anything straight like I did earlier this year. I need to read my own posts to see what I’ve been thinking. It sucks. This headache kicked me in the ass and made me realize how much work I need to do. My post did sound more positive than I felt, and maybe that’s a good thing. I really want to get more rest…..

  4. I get terrible headaches too – mostly when I am fighting with myself in my dreams. My diagnosis is cptsd – but so much of what you write about makes such sense to me….

    I’m sorry for your struggles right now. I wish I could be of more help..just a little lost in my own head tonight.


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