???

June 30, 2011

Usually I shove it down best I can so I have control, control, control. Stuff those people down and just talk on the inside. Don’t let them out or let them up and be together with them.

If I didn’t give a shit about this blog I would write about the terrible things they say while I’m doing regular things. It’s difficult to watch a kid play a video game while inside they’re showing me what was being done to them at that age.

Write, write, write. Get it all down and take it to the therapist and talk about it. Then back home and it starts all over.

I think I need to see my therapist more often. Kids are home and there’s no one to watch them and arrangements with the in-laws have to revolve around their schedule.

So I stop talking because I don’t make sense. It sounds like gibberish, like I’m having a stroke. And I play with some toys and draw pictures and I’ve found lots of toads and frogs to play with. Many of the bird parents are bringing their babies and we can go right up to them. We have butterflies and moths and even the snakes are mellow, so I can pick them up and we can check them out.

Okay. Back to work. If it hasn’t been used in the past 5-10 years I’m throwing it out. That keeps me busy lately.

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2 Responses to “???”

  1. meredith Says:

    Must feel pretty chaotic for you.

    Sometimes, after a big event (like your son’s graduation), innards a force to reckon with because it’s so hard to give and give while you need, need, need. It’s okay to be a mess for now. I know it doesn’t feel good…sorry.
    Changes in routine and life situations tend to shake up the established order.
    I love it that you have such friendly critters in your yard.

    ~m

  2. kate1975 Says:

    Good and healing thoughts to you dear.

    Kate


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