Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse (MDSA) on the Inside *trigger*

April 19, 2011

DID is a busy disorder. So much to do, so little time. I feel like I am the leader of a small country with my citizens constantly clamoring to be heard.

I wanted to write about the last couple of weeks, but a few little girls need to express how they experienced mother-daughter sexual abuse.  **trigger** It goes something like this:

WHY? WHY?
I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!
STOP IT!
OKAY! OKAY!

Only she never got to say that out loud. Mom hurt her, belittled her, and made her believe what was happening was her fault. Mom stripped her essence and beat into her that she was an unworthy whore. She watched and she laughed and she did nothing. She still watches and she still laughs and she still belittles.

She hurt me and she let me be hurt. She put me in serious situations that no child should ever be in. She told me to shut up and stop faking when I said I hurt.

I have always remembered the way she treated (treats) me. I have always had little glimpses and funny feelings about other things she did to me. Now a few little girls are helping me understand what did happen and why I had those funny feelings. I’m trying very hard to accept and respect their experiences. These girls hurt so bad. I’m beginning to feel their rage, humiliation, and disgust and I keep pushing it down so I can get through the day.

Tomorrow is therapy and I hope I can bring these girls to the forefront and learn to work through these feelings safely.

I didn’t mean to trigger anyone.

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9 Responses to “Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse (MDSA) on the Inside *trigger*”

  1. soulfulgrrl Says:

    You are so brave… its okay to talk here. It’s your safe place. 🙂

  2. Nansie Says:

    Lisa…please go easy and be gentle with yourself. I am so sorry your dealing with this and went thru it all. Sending you good positive thoughts. HUGS!

  3. kate1975 Says:

    I think you are all so brave. Good luck in therapy. Good and healing thoughts to yous.

    Kate

  4. tai0316 Says:

    I actually saw a lot of strength in what you wrote here Lisa. You are stating that what she did was horrible and wrong and you are leaving yourself open so that your parts can feel free to communicate with you. That’s amazing and so strong!

  5. Brittany P. Says:

    You said: “I feel like I am the leader of a small country with my citizens constantly clamoring to be heard,” and I think this is a brilliant explanation.

    Sending safe, comforting, healing thoughts to those little girls that need to express the tragedies.

    I hope therapy does go well indeed.

    Take good care,
    Brittany


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