Spilled My Guts & Now I’m Waiting

April 6, 2011

Today in therapy I named names and began to graphically described what happened. I have been waiting all day for paranoia to set in, but it’s calm inside. Part of me wants to write my therapist a letter asking her to not accept large amounts of cash for giving me up to those people (in case they find out somehow). Sometimes I believe the office is bugged, but I don’t care right now.

I want to see my grandchildren someday so I hope I don’t get killed for telling her. It took me over one year to really trust her and I don’t want her to turn out to be a spy for those people. When I got home I closed all the curtains and stayed away from the doors.

Maybe these fears will go away someday.

13 Responses to “Spilled My Guts & Now I’m Waiting”

  1. castorgirl Says:

    Today took courage, I hope you give yourself credit for that. You’ve checked out your therapist for a year, and there is obviously trust there. I hope this first telling will show how that trust is well founded.

    Sending positive thoughts your way…

  2. tai0316 Says:

    Good for you! I’m so glad you felt enough trust to really open up. I get the fear, just try to breathe through it, all though it sounds like you’re doing great already. I repeat: good for you!

  3. Nansie Says:

    This is a huge step for you Lisa! A good one too. Congrads to you for letting it all hang out. Things will settle down inside and you’ll start to adjust to the “cat being out of the bag” so to say. So hard but so good as far as progress goes. Just hang in there and BIG hugs for you!

  4. Brittany P. Says:

    This is a courageous step. I hope the paranoia does stay at bay.

    Sending positive thoughts your way,


  5. Astrid Says:

    This is indeed a huge step and took a lot of courage. I hope you’re feeling a bit calmer now than you did after telling your therapist.

  6. Fantastic! Like Astrid, I hope things are feeling calmer now.


  7. Hi Lisa, just want to let you know that I stopped by and I’ve been thinking of you. Even though I’ve not been around for a while, you are often in my thoughts and I do care about you.

    Good on you for taking this big step! I know it’s hard … you are SO brave. Took me a year to get that level of trust too. It does get easier.

    peace to you,

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