my brain is melting

October 12, 2010

(To the tune of Monty Python’s “Lumberjack Song”)

Oh…..I am DID and I don’t care
I might be here or I might be there

I jump and skip
Or go to work
And take my medication

My therapist reassures me
There’s at least 1% in the nation!

(You can stop now.)

I’m bored and restless…..a dangerous combination…..

A water main broke and the kids are being dismissed early from school…like now. I baked them a cake, but little do they know that I have walked around the house and found many, many jobs for them. Mwa-ha-ha! So much for a day off, my little minions!

Tomorrow is the Therapy Festival! I get to go and revel in my confused and twisted view of reality until my therapist says, “Are you okay to drive?”. Ah, what fun we’ll have… We will talk about flashbacks, body memories, littles, nightmares, night terrors and extreme anxiety. I’ll cry and pretend I’m actually getting something out of this and go home and fake my way through parenting and other family obligations. But…if they don’t fix the water main the kids could be home tomorrow, too. I just thought of that. Oh well. I’ll figure something out.

Sometimes I wish I still drank alcohol. It washed so much of this shit away along with my brain cells. If I drank enough perhaps it could wash away ALL of my brain cells…. nah. It’s been nearly 1&1/2 years since I drank.

Oh god. I need to find something to occupy my brain today! Can you imagine what it would be like if I stayed here, typing on the computer all day? You poor, poor people. You would be sucked into my black hole of incomprehensibility. I won’t do that to you, though, as tempting as that is. Consider yourselves lucky……this time……

7 Responses to “my brain is melting”

  1. I'm DID & so am I Says:

    I’m impressed, taking on a Monty Python song. Boredom gives you creativity. Used to watch them years ago.

    Good for you, 1 1/2 years of sobriety. I cancelled my Therapy Festival today. Didn’t “feel” like going.

    I enjoy your blogs, so I wouldn’t mind a writing marathon from you.


    • roseroars Says:

      Thanks! My 12 y.o. daughter quotes Monty Python in school and her accent is spot-on. I’m so proud. Most of the kids don’t even know what she’s referring to, but the boys that do think she’s hot.

      Don’t tempt me with a writing marathon! It would melt your brain, too, and I like you very much.

      • roseroars Says:

        Are you going to therapy next week? Are they pissing you off? Are you okay? Want me to rough ’em up a bit?

  2. castorgirl Says:

    You can never have too much Monty Python. It’s a rule. I’ve just finished watching about an hour worth of their clips on YouTube. Always brings a smile.

    Imagine if you got all of the 1% together…

    Congrats on the sobriety.
    Hope the therapy festival events occur on schedule.

    Take care,

    • roseroars Says:

      I thought it was important to instill Monty Python in my kids because it meant a lot to me as a teenager, and they love it. One has a “I fart in your general direction” plaque on their bedroom door.

      Thanks on the sobriety! I started drinking heavy at 14 (whiskey with Oreos), and I stopped cold. Then my brain cleared up. Ugh.

  3. tai0316 Says:

    I am so proud of you! 1 and 1/2 years!? Awesome!
    And by the way Monty Python rules! The Black Knight, The rabbit, tossing cows overs walls, The Flying Circus… Hilarious!
    I’d read your writing marathon any time. 🙂

    • roseroars Says:

      Ah….you say that now……

      I think my husband misses our drinking together, but he has cut waayyy down on his, and only drinks Fosters a few times a week.

      I used to get tired of people my age quoting Monty Python sketches, or doing silly walks, but I think it’s terrific watching my kids do it. Maybe I’m just biased.

      Thanks Tai!

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