An Unconscious Validation

August 3, 2010

Headaches and fatigue have been constant companions the past few days, and I’m still working with flashbacks and trusting my memories. My days drag on and on…..blah, blah…

So, I have this dream last night at a particular house where I was abused. I’m the age I am now, though. A group of people arrive downstairs to perform a ceremony while I’m upstairs nursing a new mommy groundhog and her three new babies to health. Mommy groundhog wasn’t ready for her babies, so I’m feeding them and putting on premie-sized diapers.

I know all of the people in the ceremony because they have all hurt me terribly in the past. I see the people with me upstairs take sides, either to stay with me or be downstairs.

Then I run out of diapers for the baby groundhogs. I grab my wallet and cell phone in one bag, and a cut-out pattern in the other to make my own diapers, and decide to go to a store I’ve never been to to buy what I need. I walk instead of drive and end up going through a long, old, scary tunnel (see the symbolism!), and I sing all the way through it.

At the store I hand over my bags at the bag check and the man tells me they don’t sell any of the items I need. I sign to get my bags back, but he keeps the one with my money, identity, and only way of communicating, and says they must keep them for at least one month unless I speak to Doris upstairs. Upstairs I go, up a long, dark, broken, old, black staircase to a poorly lit open office. I ask for Doris and they tell me she’ll be around after she takes care of more important things. I’m surrounded by dead bodies, killers, rapists, thieves, and they are all either younger or older than me.

I spot a well-dressed, pleasant-looking woman and assume it’s Doris. As I approach her she smiles. I say “Doris?”, and she nods her head and asks, “Are you the married one? Get out! You don’t belong here. Your bag will be waiting for you downstairs”, smiles again and walks away.

That’s it! It made soooo much sense, though. I know it only makes sense to me, but I felt validated by my unconscious self. I don’t know if that makes sense, either, but it feels good. This comes after days of these headaches and fatigue, and I only dreamt this after sleeping for 12 straight hours last night. It’s lucky I didn’t have any pressing engagements this morning (ha!).

It felt so good that I’m not hungry and I woke up with a lot of energy. However, a youngin’ is now harassing me for some computer time, so I’m off!

*something else I found out late last week – they tore down the house I lived in when my father first took advantage of me. not sure what to make of that.


7 Responses to “An Unconscious Validation”

  1. meredith Says:

    What an amazing dream. It really does validate your worth, doesn’t it? You’re obviously a good mom, too! 🙂

    • roseroars Says:

      Thanks. I really appreciated that dream.

      I’m not sure the kids would agree with you right now because I’m making them work their little butts off.

  2. I am always grateful for those kind of vivid, meaningful dreams. They often seem to offer wonderful insights that help increase understanding of myself. Sounds like this one was very useful to you. I am very curious about how you interpreted it though – are you willing to share?


    • roseroars Says:

      I believe the people represent themselves because they did horrible things by taking advantage of me, either physically or by using my vulnerabilities.

      I’m taking care of mom and her babies because I wasn’t nurtured as a child and I’m overprotective now.

      The man represents men in general, stealing my identity, making it impossible to get the help I need, denying me what I need, and forcing me to find everything myself.

      I think the upstairs room is how I see my situation in general – surround by evil, scary things and feeling trapped.

      The woman is probably where I see myself lately – more aware, confident, clean, and getting the help I need.

      I think that’s it. Just a basic “Here you are at this particular time.” dream. It was very reassuring, though, and I felt rested and well when I woke up.

      Do you have dreams like that?

  3. Lothlorien Says:

    What a dream!!! Interesting that throughout this you were trying so hard to take care of the baby groundhogs.

    The house where I lived when my abuse started has been torn down too. It was in a flood zone, and several houses on that street were torn down. I went to see it. Well, the empty lot. It was eery….


    • roseroars Says:

      I haven’t really felt anything since finding it torn down and a small parking lot in it’s place. Part of me thinks I should feel something, but I don’t. I used to shudder when I drove past it before, and now…nothing…

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