Perhaps unwise…

July 27, 2010

I have been trying to trigger myself until I finally feel something. Then perhaps I will have something interesting to post.


8 Responses to “Perhaps unwise…”

  1. tai0316 Says:

    Hey, Lisa.
    What’s going on? Are you feeling numb or disconnected? What’s wrong? Did you just want to talk to someone? You don’t have to trigger yourself to post, you can post that you want to post and that’s enough, we’ll still be here. 🙂
    Or is it that there’s memory that’ bothering you that need more information about and that’s why you want to trigger yourself?

    • roseroars Says:

      I’m not sure. I thought I’d push all the buttons I know to find out. There was a flashback, and I think an alter, but the screaming was so over the top I thought I would lose myself in it. Now I can’t remember it anymore. I’m wondering how much damage I can do before someone notices. So far nothin”.I’m just Invisible Girl.

      • Do you feel a need to be seen? For your pain to be seen? To be acknowledged, validated, nurtured? Do you feel alone? Do you think that a great big crisis will make everyone realise how massively huge the pain is? And then inspire them to make it go away?

        Okay, I am so putting my own feelings here now. I did start thinking this might be what you are feeling, and this is where I am at right now too. I feel so alone. Do you feel alone? Can we be alone together so we are not alone anymore?

        Don’t know if this is going to help you. It helped me a bit. Take care and please don’t hurt yourself.


      • roseroars Says:

        I do feel alone, but I don’t expect any understanding, mainly because I don’t talk anymore. I swear I could put a screwdriver in my eye and no one would notice.

        We can be alone together – absolutely. I’m making cupcakes today. How about you?

      • roseroars Says:

        That was incredibly rude of me. I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way and it was good to write it out like that. Are you talking to your therapist or writing out how you’re feeling?

  2. meredith Says:

    PERHAPS unwise? Oh, Lisa! We have a whole camp to get off the ground… 😉


  3. castorgirl Says:

    Please don’t… this is what I did over the weekend and it was hell on wheels. There are other ways to work it through, please give yourself and your T a chance to work on it first.

    You’re not invisible… we see you and care.

    With contributions from us all, it could be a pretty amazing camp… I get first dibs on contributing cynacism and filly, dancing hippo tattoo designs 🙂

    • roseroars Says:

      Too late.

      I wonder if I should gather me some stuffed animals, high-calorie goodies, party supplies and have Camp Day all by myself.

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