I’m really trying…

July 14, 2010

If I relax, I remember. If I do yoga or Tai Chi, I focus.

If I allow negative thoughts I beat myself up. If I change or rewrite those thoughts I am positively thinking.

If I do not “turn down” my Emotional Flashback Machine with my Coping Skills Toolbox I lose my time. If I use the Toolbox I have more time with my children, my hobbies and myself.

If I do not communicate internally I do not understand my thoughts. If I take the few moments to understand and listen inside I am healing.

I am really, really trying to help myself, but I’m not happy about it. I have more energy lately because I’m mad and I’m trying to focus that energy positively and for the purpose of living well. It’s working this week, but then I forget other things that need to get done around here, so I feel guilty. Oh woe is I! Not really.

Today is Falzar the Mighty Baby Robin’s last day in the house. This is a good thing because Falzar has turned one room into a pooping palace. Falzar will most likely return here several times a day for up to one month for food, like they would with their natural parents, and we are preparing for that. Our biggest problem is my cat, Julius the Amazing Leaping Bird-Catcher Extraordinaire. It’s his hobby to try and catch birds in mid-air. I’ve tried to discourage this behavior, but with little success. I feel we have two options: attach the nest to a nearby tree where Julius rarely wanders and is near the house, or chain Julius to a chair. *sigh*

Today is also the day I reach my full basic dosage of Trileptal. Huzzah! I’m feeling loopy, I’m still not sure if it’s going to work, but I have been very good and taken it the right way since I started. Usually I give up or take it my way, but I’m giving this medication a chance. I think it’s because I like my psychiatrist and this is the same medication for both bipolar disorder and DID. So even if my therapist and psychiatrist disagree with my diagnosis a tad the medicines are the same for both. Thus far I would recommend Trileptal. Little to no weight gain and fairly easy-to-handle side effects.

Well, I’ve made little to no point whatsoever with this post, so I’ll get back to whatever it was I was doing. Here’s a funny picture for you:

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5 Responses to “I’m really trying…”

  1. castorgirl Says:

    Do you realise how aware you are?? Those first few paragraphs/lists, show a great deal of awareness of what you are doing and why. Because it’s still really new, it may feel a bit like you’re a puppet on a string, but to have the awareness of the cause/effect/coping is brilliant.

    My cat is like Julius when she’s outside, but with caged birds inside she totally ignores them. It’s kind of funny, I was flatting with someone who had budgies and Winnie placidly watched as one walked past her nose.

    Hoping that the release of Falzar goes smoothly…
    You get a gold star for taking your meds as prescribed…

    Take care,
    CG

  2. tai0316 Says:

    I completely agree with CG, you are very aware of yourself and what you need to do to help yourself. I’m so proud of you for trying! And high-five on the meds 🙂


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