Freedom from DID or If I ever had a life I’d like it back now

June 16, 2010

Difficult time. Memories, body memories, can’t relax, moving-moving, crying, hiding, shaking, feeling I don’t belong here, and all the regular stressors. This song came to mind when I was hunched over sobbing and shaking:

I just want to sink, sink, sink. I know that’s not what the song is about, but I believe it can be interpreted in different ways.

8 Responses to “Freedom from DID or If I ever had a life I’d like it back now”

  1. So sorry you’re having a hard time. Can you get some support from someone? Hang in there – although it doesn’t seem like it, this will pass. You are stronger than you realise.

    Keeping you in my thoughts,

    • roseroars Says:

      Thank you. I’ve been trying more internal communication to help because there isn’t anyone else to talk to about this. My friend lives in Ohio and I’m in central NY and she’s the only other one who knows about the DID outside of my therapist and psychiatrist.

      A real hierarchy is developing inside. I am going to post about it some time. It’s weird.

  2. castorgirl Says:

    Wow, that is one powerful song which can mean so many different things. It touches your soul and I can understand why it would speak to you in the midst of the sobbing and shaking… So so difficult… I’m so so sorry…

    As Dawn says, you are strong. It might be tearing you apart in this moment, but this moment will pass and you will climb out of this. I know that can sound flippant, but I have faith in you and your strength.

    Try to remember those basic grounding techniques – breathing, sensory awareness (name five things in the room, feel different textures, etc). Also, don’t be a hero… if you’ve been prescribed prn medication, take it. It’s there to help you get through some of the tough stuff.

    Thinking of you…

    • roseroars Says:

      Yeah, that is a powerful song. I remember singing it at the top of my lungs when I was younger.

      Enough with the grounding techniques! Bring me the ballistic weapons!

      I’m trying to remember to stay grounded and aware. And I am taking Xanax when it feels like my heart will explode.

      Thank you.

      • castorgirl Says:

        Carefully placing the bazooka at your feet and slowly backing away… before turning and sprinting like a mad woman… (oh yeah, that’s right, I already am a mad woman).

        You’re doing the right things… I’m sorry, sometimes the options are to do all your grounding techniques, take care of yourself and keep holding on by your fingertips.

        Can you call/skype your friend, or use instant messenger type communication??

      • roseroars Says:

        Mwa-ha-ha! Oh wait, you removed the weapon…Damn you!

        I don’t think you’re mad…..*giggle*

        Maybe it would be a good idea to call my friend. I have some questions about memories I’ve recovered from college and I hope she can help with them anyway.

        If I ground anymore I will actually be in the ground. Not in a bad way, just underground. I’ll keep up with it, though.

        Thank you!

  3. Lothlorien Says:

    Hang in there.

  4. meredith Says:

    oh… my. I hear the hurt. I’m so sorry, Lisa.

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